Fake Happiness

I'm thinking about my past happiness. Was my happiness real? Maybe fake is too melodramatic. Were my past successes after college happiness? Did I earn my past successes? Was happiness the feeling I felt? Was happiness the correct feeling? Was happiness the proper feeling? I include the thinking "you can't change your past; you can change your feelings and thoughts from your past".

I think back to big life events after college. Getting my first job, attending anime conventions, working at Cisco, going back to school at De Anza, following workout gym plans, ballroom dancing, and reading fiction books were some of my life changers. There are more life changers I must experience. There are bigger life changers I must find. Many of my life changers were successful. I felt successful. I didn't feel happy. I took the life changers for granted. I didn't earn many life changes. I was at the right place at the right time. It was like many successes were given to me on a silver platter. It was more luck than effort. I never experienced struggles. I never experienced going to hell before going to heaven. I never experienced pain. The pain, the struggles, the fighting are required to live a happy life. I believe I'm experiencing the three today. We hear successful stories the individual experienced setbacks. I'm experiencing setbacks today for the first time. I'm converting failures to successes.

I believe my happiness is not yet achieved. My highest state of happiness is waiting for me. My true happiness is coming soon. I also believe my highest state of happiness includes stop holding myself back. I must let go while being intelligent and discreet. I discover life can be broader my way.

On the other hand, the positive spin is I should be grateful at the minimum. I shouldn't be sad. I shouldn't be depressed. I live at home. I have shelter. I have some money. I take advantage of what I'm given. I take none of them for granted. I'm working hard getting a new job. I'm getting job activity with calls and interviews. I'm learning new job skills. I'm doing something correct.

Picture My Happiness

My happiness is living independently. I work full time supporting myself. My social life is good with circles of friends. I control everything I can control. I live a consistent life getting better. I make good choices. I'm proactive. I find a woman to marry. The bottom line is freedom.

Moreover, a state of achievement I earn is a state of happiness. I earn my successes. I achieve happiness. I learn from my mistakes doing them my way. I continue growing. I continue getting better, stronger, kinder, and wiser. Stay focus. Keep my goals to be happy in my mind. I succeed in time.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com