Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Saving Private Ryan Captain John Miller Made A Mistake


Part 1: Saving Private Ryan - Maybe you should SHUT up!
Part 2: Saving Private Ryan - Machine Gun Nest Attack
Part 3: SAVING PRIVATE RYAN WHEN WADE DIES
Battle assessment and gun battle. No Wade dies.

The YouTube links above is the Saving Private Ryan scene where Captain Miller orders his squad to attack a German nest with a MG42 machine gun. His squad didn't have the number of soldiers and didn't have the proper weapons; in other words, combat ineffective. His squad moved up the hill which was a disadvantage. The objective was high risk, low reward, and no benefit to the mission finding James Patrick Ryan.

A YouTube comment from Neal X: All the people commenting about how the attack on the machine gun nest was a tactical error... yeah, no shit, that's the whole point of the scene. After Miller tells Mike to shut up Mike looks at him in shock - clearly he knows this is unusual behavior for the captain he's known for so long, and he can tell he's not in his normal frame of mind. Miller is struggling with the morality of his mission and with the stress of losing men under his command, and after Wade dies he can't take it anymore. He admits that he's not invincible like his troops make him out to be, he's just an ordinary man who coaches baseball in the summer. He's human, and he makes mistakes, and his mistakes result in people dying. Even when he doesn't make mistakes, people die, because that's the reality of war.

Sunday, October 17, 2021

Algebra II Math Intuition

I dreamed last night I took an Algebra II exam in high school. Four questions. Questions one, three, and four were straight from the textbook. The teacher changed the numbers. Easy. Question two was a proof; in other words, prove the equation on the left side of the equal sign matches the equation on the right side of the equal sign. I didn't do proofs in Algebra II. I did proofs in Trigonometry.

The teacher instructed all students who finished early to wait outside. The smartest student who earned straight A's finished the exam first and quick. I finished second ten minutes later. The smartest student and I goofed off quietly at a tree. We answered question two the left side didn't equal the right side. The teacher went outside the door to give both of us thumbs up we aced the exam.

Trust More Intuition And Trust Less Analysis

"I began to realize that an intuitive understanding and consciousness was more significant than abstract thinking and intellectual logical analysis . . . intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect, in my opinion. That's had a big impact on my work." --Steve Jobs

I answered question two last. My first attempt failed. I couldn't get the left side to equal the right side. I tried again. Same answer. They didn't equal. I began to overthink remembering my studying and the concepts. No good. I used my intuition. I concluded the proof didn't equate.

I woke up after the teacher gave the thumbs up. I didn't know how many students finished early after I exited the classroom. I believed the remaining students tried to equate the left side and the right side. I believed the remaining students were certain the left side and the right side equated. Analysis paralysis.

Intuition During My High School

I realized after the dream intuition saved my high school years. There were some classes I didn't understand the concepts. I used intuition. Intuition helped me pass my classes with higher grades. Intuition changed my C's into B's. It was hard to fail high school honestly speaking. Teachers find ways for students to pass classes. I'm certain teachers helped me earned higher grades for which I didn't realize it at the time such as bonus points, lenient grading, and extra credits.

Update On A Past Blog

I remembered taking Geometry in summer school after my sophomore year which allowed me to take Algebra II in my junior year, Trigonometry in the first half of my senior year, and Pre-Calculus in the second half of my senior year. I add summer school Geometry to my Top Ten Forgotten Moments written on Feb 15, 2020.

I add summer school Geometry to my Top Ten Saves written on Apr 25, 2020. The class became my summer vacation activity. In addition, playing chess during the lunch hour and playing softball during PE alleviated my sophomore year depression.

Saturday, October 16, 2021

The 2021 San Francisco Giants 107 Wins Plus 2 Equals 109 Wins

Choose your perspective. Choose your viewpoint. Choose your narrative. Spin it any way. Multiple interpretations. There are multiple sides of the story. The second place Los Angeles Dodgers went 48-21 (.696) after the 2021 all-star break. The first place San Francisco Giants went 49-22 (.690) after the 2021 all-star break. The Dodgers gained zero games against the Giants. Or the first place San Francisco Giants went 49-22 (.690) after the 2021 all-star break. The second place Los Angeles Dodgers went 48-21 (.696) after the 2021 all-star break. The Giants prevented the Dodgers from being tied or becoming second place winning one more game than the Dodgers. Fair or unfair. It's life.

The Giants won 107 regular season games which is a franchise record. The Dodgers won 106 regular season games which tied the franchise record. The 2021 National League West division was an outlier. The Dodgers won their wild card game against the St. Louis Cardinals to face the Giants in the National League Division Series (NLDS). The Dodgers and Giants each won two games out of a best of five games. The teams entered Game 5 with 109 total wins. The Dodgers won Game 5 with a score of 2-1 advancing to the National League Championship Series (NLCS) against the Atlanta Braves.

Game 5 ended on a controversial check swing called strike three. The umpire made an incorrect call. Bad calls happen all the time in competitive sports. Umpires are human beings like you and me. Humans make mistakes. Bad luck and bad timing the bad calls went against the Giants. Giants lost. Move on. It's life.

History was made in Major League Baseball. The Giants and the Dodgers played in the postseason against each other for the first time. The ending narrative was ugly. The series ended on a controversy.

The umpire bad calls didn't cause the Giants to lose the NLDS. The Giants batted .182 overall. The Giants batted .125 with runners in scoring position. The low batting averages were not going to get it done. Were the Giants fatigued? I didn't see fatigue. The Dodgers earned the series win. The Dodgers were the deeper team. Their were more playmakers in the Dodgers team compared to the Giants team. Mookie Betts manufactured a run in Game 5. Max Scherzer saved Game 5 which was Manager Dave Roberts correct decision instead of Kenley Jansen. Jansen had blown saves in past postseason games.

Moreover, the Giants failed to adjust to the home plate umpire's wide strike zone. Adjustments are part of daily life. Some adjustments we like. Some adjustments we don't like.

Finally, the Dodgers changed their Game 5 starting pitcher from Julio Urias to Corey Knebel. Roberts choose a bullpen pitcher using the opener pitching strategy. Why did Roberts changed the starting pitcher? All sports analysts and sports journalists I read didn't know why. My intuition was counterintuitive. If the Dodgers wanted to give up runs to the Giants, then give up runs early. Urias pitches in the middle to late innings to lower the chances of the Giants scoring runs. If the Dodgers trailed early, then the Dodgers had more innings to score runs. My question is why give up runs early in the game. No team wants to give up runs. On the other hand, don't waste time figuring out something which doesn't make sense. Regardless, the opener pitching strategy didn't affect the outcome of the game. Roberts texted Giants Manager Gabe Kapler the night before Game 5 he changed the starting pitcher. The text was an example of a John Wick profession courtesy.

Update On A Past Blog

The Washington Nationals lost 97 games. The Pittsburgh Pirates lost 101 games. The Texas Rangers lost 102 games. The Arizona Diamondbacks and Baltimore Orioles each lost 110 games. The teams were tanking. I wrote Is Tanking The New Way To Succeed? on Oct 16, 2020. These teams believed a mediocre record is not worth the effort. Tank the season. Take advantage of the upcoming offseason high draft picks for the worse standings.

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

No More Spring 2008 Behavior

I was mad. I was frustrated. I was full of rage. My dad wanted me to help a family friend replace his roof on Saturdays. They were behind schedule. I wanted to play video games. I thought of video games while I worked.

Times have changed for the best. I was immature. I was naive. I failed to understand helping a family friend was more important than playing video games. I failed to understand priorities. Video games were the lowest priority. I'm happy today. I'm not the Spring 2008 Raymond Mar. I'm mature. I'm professional. I get the job done earnestly and sincerely. I reward myself afterwards maturely.

Saturday, October 09, 2021

Top Ten Plus Three Equals Thirteen I'm In The Minority Opinions

Expressing our opinions is a basic human right. Good people listen to opinions. Good people respect other people's opinions. There are opinions in the majority. There are opinions in the minority. I share my opinions I believe I'm in the minority. One opinion I'm in the minority is people experience racism, discrimination, and prejudice daily. The three exists today. The three existed yesterday. The three exists tomorrow. Racism, discrimination, and prejudice continue throughout history indefinitely.

Here are the top ten plus three equals thirteen I'm in the minority opinions:

13. If you don't have the money and don't have the future income, then don't have children. The costs of raising children go up every year. A family is too expensive. Condoms are cheaper than diapers. Parents don't need a PS5. Parents need long-term stable income.

12. A common health knowledge is eat five fruits and vegetables a day. I eat three fruits and vegetables a day. Another common health knowledge is drink eight glasses of water a day. I drink water when I'm thirsty. I'm the healthiest ever. The two common health knowledge are marketing and too easy health advice.

11. Men's And Women's Bare Necessities. Men can use women's bare necessities. Women can use men's bare necessities. For example, I use women's body wash.

10. Weigh Yourself Daily. Body weight is an indicator of your present health status. Weighing yourself daily is not weakening your self-esteem; on the other hand, it may motivate you to live a healthy life.

9. Your fiancee's parents are a poor forecast how your fiancee becomes your lawfully wedded spouse when the two of you get married. Your fiancee's parents are like stocks or professional sports drafts. Past performance is not a guarantee of future results. Your fiancee parent's actions, behavior, knowledge, and opinions don't predict your fiancee's actions, behavior, knowledge, and opinions.

8. Work And Life Balance Is False. Whoever thought of the term or fad might have made it up to make money. Fads are short-term. The fad inventors maximize earning money quickly before the fad is forgotten.

7. Students learn life working in retail. High school students and college students learn book knowledge in the classrooms. High school students and college students learn reality in retail. Parents must make your children earn money by working part-time in retail.

6. Tough Job Market. The job market is tight indefinitely. People graduate school, college, or a trade school every year. There are not enough opportunities to hire new graduates. More people delay retirement. More jobs are eliminated by technology such as robots and automation.

5. Your inside is more important than your outside. False. Your inside and your outside are equally important. Physical appearance is important. We do judge a book by its cover.

4. Alfred Lord Tennyson said, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." The quotation is false. It's better to be single than in a toxic relationship. It's better to be single than in a mis-match relationship. Many people choose to be with someone even by dumbing down themselves to avoid loneliness. Don't disrespect yourself. There is strength, courage, and wisdom to be single. Don't lose self-respect to be in a relationship.

Moreover, I repeat number five. Your inside and your outside are equally important. Physical appearance is important. We do judge a book by its cover.

3. All schools add an extra year. Elementary school pre-kindergarten is mandatory before kindergarten. Junior high school add a fourth year for grades 6-9. High school add a fifth year for grades 10-14. There is too much to learn. Expectations are too high. Students need more time. Parents, school administrators, and the government need more patience.

2. There are too many *fill in the blank*. There are too many restaurants, TV shows, books, people, podcasts, useless junk, etc. Many of the *fill in the blank* are garbage.

Honorable mention: 1. The educated are not always free. 2. The news is the same 90% of the time.

1. More people are not going to succeed. There are too many people. There are too few opportunities. Life is zero-sum. The world is zero-sum. The size of the pie is always the same. There are people who fail no matter what. There are unsuccessful people no matter what. Many works hard and follow their dreams. Few succeed. Many times something happens beyond their control they become unsuccessful. Blame life. Life is not fair.

Read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. Gladwell explains why some people succeed.

Wednesday, October 06, 2021

Shelter In-Place COVID-19 Blog September 2021

California issued shelter in-place orders on Tue Mar 17, 2020. I have been logging the highlights and lowlights. Sep started fast on the week of Labor Day. Sep ended on a consistent relaxed pace. The delta variant affects varied state by state. More companies and governments issued vaccine mandates.

Thur Sep 2. Shopped at REI for their Labor Day sales and Safeway. People followed social distancing and wearing masks.

The World Health Organization (WHO) was concern of the COVID-19 mu variant first detected in Columbia on Jan 2021. The mu variant was in 39 countries. There were 2,000 cases in the USA. 99% of present cases US were the delta variant.

Fri Sep 3. Shopped at Safeway for the second day in a row for their Labor Day sales.

The Center For Disease Control (CDC) reported hospitalization rates for children aged 0-17 increased five times from late Jun to the middle of Aug. Children aged 0-4 rose ten times.

Tue Sep 7. I ran errands at the post office and Safeway.

Contra Costa County officials are preparing for a COVID-19 response for the next five to ten years. Cases are increasing. Testing are increasing.

Idaho activated "crisis standards of care." Health care is rationed because there are too many coronavirus patients hospitals can't handle. Residents may not get the care during pre-pandemic times. Idaho has one of the lowest vaccination rates in the US.

The WHO said COVID-19 is likely a present virus indefinitely because of mutations in unvaccinated countries. The hopes of eradication are unlikely. COVID-19 is going to be like the flu.

Wed Sep 8. The San Francisco Chronicle reported Bay Area cases dropped from 24 cases per 100,000 residents two week ago to 16 cases per 100,000 residents ending Tue Sep 7.

Microsoft postponed indefinitely all employees return to its US offices. The latest target date was Mon Oct 4.

Thur Sep 9. The Half Moon Bay Art & Pumpkin Festival is cancelled for the second year in a row.

President Joe Biden detailed Path Out Of Pandemic plan to stop the COVID-19 delta strain. Employers with more than 100 workers require vaccination or weekly testing. Health facilities receiving Medicare or Medicaid must be vaccinated. Employees in the executive branch and federal government contractors must be vaccinated. There is no weekly testing. Federal fines are doubled for airline passengers who refuse to wear masks on flights. Supply of virus tests increased. Federal support available to assist schools in safe operations and to provide funds for testing. Large entertainment venues and arenas require vaccination or proof of negative test.

The Los Angeles Board Of Education mandated all students aged 12 or older must be vaccinated.

Fri Sep 10. The CDC released a study fully vaccinated people are five times less likely to be infected with the delta virus, ten times less likely to be hospitalized, and ten times less likely to die.

The CDC reported 1% of COVID-19 cases were the delta variant on Apr 4. 90% of COVID-19 cases were the delta variant on Jul 17. The percentages were calculated from 13 regions in the US.

Sat Sep 11. Denmark ended COVID-19 restrictions because of its high vaccination rate. 80% of residents aged 12 or over are vaccinated. Proof of vaccination no longer required. Face marks must be worn at airports. Strict restrictions must be followed for foreigners.

Tue Sep 14. The American Academy Of Pediatrics released COVID-19 data in children increased 30-fold since late Jun. 500,000 new child cases are reported in the last two weeks. 5.3 million cases are children which is 15.3% of the total cases since the start of the pandemic.

Governor Gavin Newsom remains in office as CA governor. The voter recall failed.

Wed Sep 15. Contra Costa County requires proof of vaccination or recent negative test in most indoor businesses including restaurants and gyms.

Sat Sep 18. Shopped at Barnes & Noble bookstore to purchase birthday gifts. Seating was available in the cafe section only. All other seating areas were removed. There were no scheduled book gatherings.

Mon Sep 20. California is the lowest state in the US with a 3% COVID-19 transmission rate.

Wed Sep 22. The Food And Drug Administration (FDA) authorized the Pfizer COVID-19 booster shot to Americans aged 65 or older, high risk people with poor immune system, and front line workers. Some of the front line workers included health care, teachers, grocery workers, homeless, and prisoners. The booster shot third dose must be administered at least six months after the second shot. 64% of American are eligible for the booster shot.

180 million Americans are fully vaccinated.

Thur Sep 23. The Oakland Unified School District approved a vaccine mandate for students aged 12 or over. No date was set when the mandate takes effect. Oakland and Los Angeles are the only school districts in CA with a vaccine mandate.

Fri Sep 24. My nearest Costco food court was temporary closed for renovations. Free samples was back.

The CDC endorsed booster shots.

Mon Sep 27. The Bay Area began administrating booster shots for all eligible residents. Local pharmacies were ready to administer. Local cities updated their websites to inform their locals where to get booster shots.

Tue Sep 28. United Airlines terminated 600 employees who failed to comply with the company's vaccine requirement. 99% of all employees are either vaccinated or received a religious exemption or medical accommodation.

Wed Sep 29. Santa Cruz County lifted indoor masks mandates because COVID-19 viral transmission decreased. The county is the first in CA. Local officials advised residents to continue wearing masks to prevent COVID-19 spreading. Masks are required for the unvaccinated, school facilities, medical facilities, and senior care facilities.

Update On A Past Blog

The football game Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New England Patriots was a top game for the 2021-2022 NFL season. The Sun Oct 4, 2021 game reunited Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady with Patriots head coach Bill Belichick. They won five Super Bowls together. Brady won his sixth Super Bowl last year defeating the Kansas City Chiefs.

The Tom Brady SNF postgame interview after win vs. Patriots with Michele Tafoya reminded me of Life Lessons I Learned From Alex Smith on Feb 15, 2012. In particular, lesson number 3 support is required to be successful and number 5 good luck and good fortune are contributing factors to be successful.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool. I think it's really, um, nothing in this sport can't be accomplished without incredible teammates and coaches, and, um, you know I'm just been blessed for 22 years to be with some amazing people and a quarterback can't do anything if the guys don't catch the ball, and, um, [the] guys did a great job catching for me the last 22 years all of them which I hope were, uh, felt a little piece of, uh, happiness tonight watching that cause everybody contributed, and I sure hells can't catch anything--everybody's seen that drop against the Eagles in the Super Bowl, but, uh, I can throw it a little bit, and I'm glad I got so many great guys that can catch it." --Tom Brady answering the question on setting the record for most passing yards in NFL history

Thursday, September 30, 2021

Throwback Blog: Third Blog Entry: Breaking Rule Number

Blogger's Note: Throwback blogs are blogs from my past. I start posting past blogs reflecting what I wrote. It's like my "A Second Look" blogs for which I give myself feedback.

Today's throwback blog is titled Third Blog Entry: Breaking Rule Number written on Jan 7, 2006. The third blog out of three blogs on the day talked about my second job after I graduated from San Jose State University. My job sucked. I started searching for a job in Jan 2007. I couldn't explain the logic for the one year delay. The company went downhill at the end of 2006. My life was great outside the workplace which made me forget my job.

I choose the criticisms I respond decades later. Today's blog is another example time heals all wounds. Wisdom is acquired as we get older. Lessons are learned. No mistakes are repeated. I connect the dots backwards.

*Like many jobs that suck, my job sucks. What makes my job suck? I work in the Research Department. The department has two workers: me and my co-worker. The department supports 70+ brokers in the local office . . . The office I worked was an outlier. A typical commercial real estate company has an ample support staff to help the brokers. Most of the 70+ brokers were self-sufficient for which they required minimal support staff. Most of the 70+ brokers were trained beyond commercial real estate and salesperson skills. Moreover, I wrote the rant in a Jan month. Jan was the busiest month in a calendar year because of the previous year's annual report and annual conference the Research Dept. was involved. Otherwise, the Feb-Dec months were normal with the exception of the quarterly reports which took significantly less time compared with the annual report.

*My co-worker is an idiot. Should have been fired a long time ago. Somehow, when he fucks up, he gets away with it. Nothing lasts forever. My co-worker was never going to be fired. One reason was two people worked in the Research Dept. supporting 70+ brokers. Another reason was the managing partner and my co-worker had a close relationship. For instance, my co-worker worked on Sat. The managing partner emailed my co-worker for research statistics on Sat. My co-worker completed the request hours later.

My co-worker's fuck up was discovered on Jul 2007. He was transferred to another brokerage house instead of being fired. I don't know why he wasn't fired. I don't know how the two brokerage houses negotiated the transfer. I should have said "never say never" instead of "Nothing lasts forever."

*Also, the managing partner in charge of the office is not a managing partner; rather a major pain. The guy has shit in his brains. The answer was simple. The managing partner ran the office by the sales numbers. His job security was strong as long as the sales numbers were good. Winning disguised problems.

*My feelings are I'm lonely. When I started the company, there was nobody to be my mentor. Heck, I never had a mentor in my life. There was nobody to show me around. The lonely feeling was incorrect. I realized years later the brokers got my back. If I spoke up, then management responded because of the brokers. Management couldn't fire me. Also, one magical day I spoke up at a workplace outing. The Administration Dept and the Graphics Dept talked to me. There was a new permanent connection.

No mentor in my life was true. 95% of all my problems I solved myself by learning from my mistakes, acquiring wisdom at the right place at the right time, and growing up. I'm lucky my life today is my best life. I'm the strongest, smartest, wisest, and healthiest ever. Ironically, I'm George Costanza being unemployed and living with my parents.

*Problem number two is I trust nobody. Nobody has proven to me, nobody has earned my trust, nobody earned the right to know me, to listen to me sincerity. Nobody has my credibility if anyone wants to give me advice. As far as I'm concern, anyone who tells me anything is full of crap. Why should I believe you? Who are you? I don't know who the people are and people don't know who I am, and even if I tell them who I am, they probably don't give a shit. Been there, done that. I was full of shit. Don't waste time figuring out what I said. It was a cry for help. If I said the shit today, then I need professional help. I'm not the shit person today.

*When I go to work, the real me doesn't enter the building ;__; It's a stranger even I'm not comfortable being. Outside work, I'm very cheerful and always busy doing stuff like reading books, playing video games, watching anime, listening to CDs, going to the gym, cooking, researching stocks, and just being myself. That's the real me. I was not the real me inside work and outside work. It was true I was busy outside work doing the stuff above. I was not cheerful outside work.

Life advice and professional workplace advice. If you're not you going to work, then changes are warranted. Everybody is human. Nobody can tolerate being a different person in a workplace indefinitely. I'm not thinking what my life is today if I continued working at the company today.

*Side note: there were four people I don't respect specifically. Two of them are no longer in my office. Another workplace advice I should have learned years ago. Anytime a group of people resign in a short time period is a sign there's something happening to the company or to the department in a negative way. I was one of four people who found better jobs in the company in early 2007. Retail is the exception because the retail industry always has high turnover by nature.

In Dale Carnegie's book How To Win Friends and Influence People, rule number one is Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain. The third blog entry, however, I'm going to break the rule and rant. Rant, complain, let my stress out, let my anger out. It doesn't matter to me. I need to vent frustration regardless whether the reader thinks I'm complaining or not complaining. More important, the following is going to be unedited; in other words, [sic] or verbatim.

Like many jobs that suck, my job sucks. What makes my job suck? I work in the Research Department. The department has two workers: me and my co-worker. The department supports 70+ brokers in the local office and 10+ brokers in a satellite office north. 80+ brokers. Two people in the department. Hello, senior management. The department needs additional help. No need to research the facts. Furthermore, I'm not going to be working in the company forever.

My co-worker is an idiot. Should have been fired a long time ago. Somehow, when he fucks up, he gets away with it. Nothing lasts forever. One day you are going to mess up big and you are going to be fucked!!! What has he done and got away with? Start the list:

*In 1997, the server crashed and he didn't back up the research data.
*In 2002, he calculated absorption wrong for 12 years. I found the error in five minutes 0:-) Any national real estate firm needing a researcher with new ideas? I'm available for hire >.<
*I taught him how to calculate weighted averages. He never knew what a weighted average; moreover, he never calculated rents. Come on, researchers must know basic math.
*He is still using an 80s system to calculate statistics in the 21st century. One step further, he's an obsolete 80s robot because he acts like a robot.
*He makes careless mistakes, and it's getting worst.

Lesson: if it acts like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, thinks like a duck, it's probably a duck {:V

Also, the managing partner in charge of the office is not a managing partner; rather a major pain. The guy has shit in his brains. I have been working in the company for seven years. Man, that's too long to work there. I can't think of one incident where he has taken an active role in, well, anything. Come to think of it, he's done nothing to the company to make it a better place to work. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Jack shit. The chances of him leaving the company are next to nothing because the position requires a brokers or sales license to sign off completed deals.

As for me, personally, what are my feelings? My feelings are I'm lonely. When I started the company, there was nobody to be my mentor. Heck, I never had a mentor in my life. There was nobody to show me around. I learned almost everything about the company myself (which was really nothing to learn come to think of it). I can't trust anyone because nobody in the company earned my respect, my trust, my credibility. Respect, trust, and credibility must be earned whether he or she is the janitor, engineer, director, or senior vice president; likewise for parents . . . if you want sons and daughters to learn, to love, to be good sons and daughters, you must earn their trust, their love, and their bond; otherwise, they are not going to believe what you say to them. Perhaps, that's one reason why runaway kids leave their parents. Trust, love, bond, etc. are not automatic just because Mom and Dad are parents. All must be earned and demonstrated sincerely and without deception. The same goes with co-workers, management, and executives. Earn them (respect, trust, credibility, sincerity) or lose them (co-workers).

It's out in the air. I'm lonely. I should tell somebody. Problem number two is I trust nobody. Nobody has proven to me, nobody has earned my trust, nobody earned the right to know me, to listen to me sincerity. Nobody has my credibility if anyone wants to give me advice. As far as I'm concern, anyone who tells me anything is full of crap. Why should I believe you? Who are you? I don't know who the people are and people don't know who I am, and even if I tell them who I am, they probably don't give a shit. Been there, done that.

When I started in 1999, the research department was pathetic. Terrible. An embarrassment. In one year, I provide new reports, accepted new responsibilities, increase turn-over rate to less than one business day for most requests, new ideas, etc. I proved that I can do a whole shit load for the company. What has the company proved to me? Nothing. It's the same company since 1999. No improvements, nothing new, nothing the latest and greatest (except computers of course), no innovating. Heck, my company doesn't have a CEO and a CFO. The CEO fucked up and the CFO resigned.

When I go to work, the real me doesn't enter the building ;__; It's a stranger even I'm not comfortable being. Outside work, I'm very cheerful and always busy doing stuff like reading books, playing video games, watching anime, listening to CDs, going to the gym, cooking, researching stocks, and just being myself. That's the real me. The guy who never stop innovating and wants to meet more people XD

I feel much better now and I'm going to get a good night's sleep (-,-)

Side note: there were four people I don't respect specifically. Two of them are no longer in my office. The first person was eliminated in August 2002. Officially, the position was eliminated. Unofficially, she was laid-off. The second person was transferred to the corporate office in January 2006. Her replacement started in January 2006. We shall see how the replacement does, and I'm going to have high expectations because she was promoted in my office.

Side note 2: there are a selected few co-workers I'm comfortable in a conversation; however, it's as far as the communication goes--casual conversation.