How You Say It Is More Important Than What You Say

I learned the "how you say it is more important than what you say" for the first time in 1999. I thought the lesson was ridiculous. I didn't care about how I was communicated. I never thought about the tone, the volume, the pace, and the emotion. I never thought about the physical aspects including eye contact and hand movement. I cared about what was communicated. Tell me what I need to know and the conversation was completed.

I thought about the lesson again talking to a florist last weekend. The florist was Chinese. She started a conversation about people being rude. I initially thought she shared bad customers during Valentine's Day. The people she referenced were Chinese people in a Chinese restaurant. The patrons and restaurant staff were loud, rude, impolite, and argumentative. I agreed with her. I sarcastically said a legitimate Chinese restaurant has the characteristics of those Chinese patrons and restaurant staff; otherwise, the Chinese restaurant is not legitimate. Moreover, stereotypically speaking, Chinese people are stubborn, lazy, short-temper, always late, have too much pride, and too content.

Stubborn and lazy describe my parents. My parents also have a communication problem. They communicate as if they're angry off at something. Their speech lacks genuinely, lacks parental and family caring, and no joy. Don't get me wrong. There is no malice, no offensive intent, and no hate involved. They make no effort communicating in a friendly way. They take our family relationships for granted.

How should my parents and I say it? My answer is with personality, with confidence, with sincerity, and with integrity. I communicate not too loud and not too quiet at a consistent pace. How I communicate is more important than what I communicate is true. I hope my parents follow my example as I improve my communication skills. Perhaps, Chinese restaurants can be calmer and less stressful for everyone.