What Happened?

Blogger's note: Today's blog is posted at both Innovating Common Knowledge and Finding Raymond Mar blogs. The Q&A blog entry is written with limited editing for grammar and content.

The question is straightforward. What happened? I want to discuss and explore the answers. I'm currently unemployed and looking for a job. I had past success such that I was on my way to living a good life. I had a job, a car, friends, and some money in the bank. Somehow, I failed to reach the next level in my life. Let's find out what happened, why, how did I screw up, when, and where.

Let's set up the discussion. Start with the year 2007.

The beginning of 2007 was great. I worked at Cisco, purchased my own new car, and started my orthodontic treatment. The exception was my grandfather passed away. The wind was blowing behind my back. Everything went well. Nothing stopped me.

I lost control of my life starting in the summer of 2007. I didn't know what I was doing. I regained control on my life starting on Sat Oct 4, 2008 at Los Altos, CA, when I realized I must grow up. My new life started.

I lost my job in Nov 2008 because of the real estate bubble and financial crisis. I went back to college to earn an AA degree in Accounting. I graduated in Mar 2011. I finished college in Jun 2011. I'm currently looking for a job.

So, what happened?

I took life for granted. I failed to earn my successes. I say at least 90% of my successes before Nov 2008 were luck and timing. It seems life caught up with me currently living with no luck and bad timing.

Most of the way I lived in the past caught up with me. I'm currently correcting the mistakes and learning from them. I'm breaking bad habits and bad lessons. I have been self-discovering and finding who I am. One lesson I learned is always meet new people and make new friends. The people I know in my life can help me when I have a problem. I was taught to do everything by myself. Wrong. To be successful, I need people to help me. In other words, nobody can live being alone.

You worked at Cisco, you owned your car, and you had some money in the bank, all in 2007. How come you didn't move out of your parent's house?

I believed in living life for the long run. I was saving money to buy at house since July 1998. The housing market continued to get more expensive. Then the dot-com bubble burst in March 2000. I had been saving money throughout my jobs with no thought of moving out.

What's the honest reason you stayed at home with your parents?

I wasn't a mature adult. I acted, behaved, and thought of as a naive person. I was immature. I was weak, a coward, and lacked wisdom for being an adult.

What about living life in the long run?

That was a bad life lesson I learned. Life is short. I must live a life experiencing new experiences, seeking new adventures, and innovating my life continuously. Live the moment.

Do you think your life is different if you moved out when you had the opportunity?

Absolutely yes. I believed I could have been a mature and responsible adult.

What do you think your life was terrible from the middle of 2007 to that day when you realized you must grow up on Sat Oct 4, 2008.

I hated the world. I hated my life because life was not the way I wanted to be. I either failed or took too long to adjust to a new career, new work environment, new commute, new co-workers, new responsibilities, and new obligations. I didn't want to change. I wanted to keep my old life.

The most disappointing part was I continued to be naive or an immature adult.

If you had a life mulligan, when do you use it?

August 1992, my first semester at San Jose State. I wanted to re-do my college years. I failed to live a good college life making new friends, joining clubs and extra activities, and doing new things. I failed to seek new adventures and experience new experiences. I should have worked part-time throughout my college career. And I didn't discover the real Raymond Mar.

Going back to college to earn your AA degree in Accounting partially fulfilled the mulligan.

It did. I was happy. The AA degree was part of the reason going back to college. The other part was correcting my mistakes and reliving my life in my 20s. I met new friends, I created memories in and out of the classroom, and I met my current girlfriend. I tried new things. Going back to school was a satisfactory chapter in my life.

How's life being a grown up?

Life is great. I'm wiser, smarter, and stronger. I don't hate the world. I consider myself lucky I realized I must grow up. I know people older than me who are still immature. I have a friendly and attractive personality.

I'm currently catching up with my life, and I'm not done. I'm experiencing new experiences and went on adventures I should have done in my 20s. I have the most friends ever and I have a girlfriend. I have new hobbies such as hiking, ballroom dancing, and playing Mahjong. I expand my interests such as classical jazz and movie classics.

How do you convince yourself, eventually, everything is going to be okay?

I continue to live my life. I continue to learn from my mistakes. I continue to live a better life. Never stop learning.

Trust what I do today for tomorrow. Steve Jobs said it best when it comes to connecting the dots. Jobs said, "You can’t connect the dots looking forward . . . trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” The future is unknown. I know I continue to grow up, learn something new, and find new adventures. And because the future is unknown, live life in the present. Create memories today.

Trust what I do today, and with my past life, they give me a bright, successful, and happy future.