My sophomore year in high school could be described in one word. The word was desperation. I sensed desperate. I felt desperate. I acted desperate. It wasn't urgency. I was desperate to keep my friends. I was desperate to get good grades. I was desperate to keep my sanity. Maybe I was lost. The desperation avoided losing myself in a negative way. I didn't have direction in tenth grade.
I wasn't desperate in my freshmen, junior, and senior years. My freshmen and junior years were too easy. I attended another high school in my senior year because my initial high school closed due to budget cuts. I went with the flow. Going with the flow should have been my adult lesson in twelfth grade. I digress.
Adult Desperation
Call it adult desperation. Call it 2022 desperation for government. Call it 2022 desperation for economics. Call it 2022 desperation for businesses. Call it 2022 desperation for long-term pandemic victims. Ironically, I'm long-term unemployed and live with my parents. I look out the window. I sense desperation is clear and present. I run errands outside. I feel desperation is clear and present. The fear of losing is intense. Acting desperate is rarely successful; for example, watching professional sports team losing towards the end of the game. The chances are low. If all parties behave desperately, then one party should win. Time will tell afterwards. There is indefinite time to evaluate afterwards.
Personally speaking, I keep my senses open when I feel desperate. I pause. I assess. I remain calm. There are exceptions such as a sense of emergency my life is in danger. I remember past moments I was desperate. I connected the dots backwards. Time told me the unsuccessful percentage was high.
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