I feel there is something making me grumpy, gloomy, crabby, and angry. I briefly mentioned the problem in my De Anza blogs. Those feelings have lasted since Martin Luther King, Jr. I’m not myself. My mood is sour.
I’m not depressed because I continue to live life. I attend school, I workout at the gym, I read, I watch anime, I cook, I spend time with friends, I complete my homework, etc. I scored a 90% on my first mid-term. A depressed person is someone who stopped caring and stopped living life. There is something, like a monkey or spirit on my back absorbing my happiness, my accomplishment, my desire to live life. As a result, my life feels boring.
There have been a few moments I feel happy and upbeat. There have been a few moments I feel angry and insulted. Rest assure. I keep my cool, and I act and behave casually. Nobody is at fault.
Moments and events beyond my control contributed to my negative feelings. The ones I remember include: the long lines at Safeway, late for accounting class, skipped gym Tue night because I ate dinner late, a driver cut me off merging in front of me, and the bland tasted dinners my mom cooked recently. Bad timing and bad luck in bunches are terrible.
I write this blog in the late hours perhaps killing whatever it is on my back. Maybe it’s my sleep pattern. I go to bed at 1am. I fall asleep around 2am. I try to wake up at 8am. I end up waking up 9:30am or 10am. I have been trying to sleep earlier and waking up earlier—a normal sleep pattern is my goal.
Ultimately, whatever is the reason I’m not myself time moves forward I’m going to be back to being myself. I have experienced these negative feelings in the past. I know these negative feelings are temporarily. I stay positive, optimistic, and live life. Those are the best I do now to be joyful again.
The Personal Side Of Me Finding Raymond Mar
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