I memorize jokes and riddles to improve my life skills. Jokes and riddles are good ice breakers. Jokes and riddles are good to stop the silence. Search online for jokes and riddles. There are websites posting the best. There are books, too. Here are my favorites below.
Jokes
*Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee? She got too jumpy.
*What do you call a classy fish? Sofishticated.
*Knock knock. Who's there? Cow. Cow who? No, silly cows don't say whoo cows say moooooo.
*Why is 6 terrified of 7? Because 7 "8" 9!
*What do you call a boomerang that does not come back? A stick!
*Two muffins in an oven. One says, "sure is hot in here!" Other one says, "Holy smokes! A talking muffin!"
*Why did the orange lose the race? He ran out of juice.
*Why did Tigger stick his head down the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.
*How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the darkside.
*What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!
*What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
*Why don't any other shapes talk to circles? Because there's no point.
*Why did the skeleton quit her job? Her heart wasn't in it.
*What did the little corn say to the mama corn? Where is pop corn?
*Where do vampires keep their money? A blood blank.
*Why did the kid throw a clock out the window? To see time fly.
*Why isn't your nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
*What kind of vegetable is angry? A steamed carrot.
*How do baby cats learn how to swim? The kitty pool.
*What do you call bears with no ears? B. Remove e-a-r-s.
*Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
*What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe? Owwwww-ch!
*Why did the parent hit the cake with a hammer? It was a pound cake.
*How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
*What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? A frostbite.
*Which fish costs the most? A goldfish!
*Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use their honeycombs.
*What did the rug say to the floor? Don't move. I have you covered.
*What do you get if you put a mother duck and five ducklings into a box? A box of quackers.
*If two kids share eight pieces of cherry pie, and one kid only gets to eat one piece, what does the other get? A stomach ache.
*Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.
*What is the surest way to keep water from getting into your house? Don't pay your water bill.
*Why do you want to stand in a corner during a cold day? It's 90 degrees at the corner.
*What do you call a group of whales playing musical instruments? An orca-stra.
*How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away his credit card.
*Where did the music teacher leave her keys? In the piano.
*What is the capital letter of Italy? I is the capital letter of Italy.
*A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
*What does a hamster have in common with a cigarette? They're harmless, unless you stick 'em in your mouth and light them on fire.
*What do you call a dead polar bear? Anything you want, it can't hear you anymore.
*Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
*There's two whales in a bar. One of them goes: [imitates whale sound] And then the other one goes: "Go home. You're drunk."
*What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Riddles
*What has eyes, but can't see? A potato!
*What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
*How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
*If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become? Wet.
*What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
*What do cakes and baseballs have in common? They both need a batter!
*What does every birthday end with? The letter Y.
*Mr. Red and Ms. Red live in the red house. Mr. Purple and Ms. Purple live in the purple house. Who lives in the white house? The president.
*How many months of the year have 28 days? 12. Every month has at least 28 days.
*What has hands that can't hold and a face that can't smile? A clock.
*Kate's mother has three children: Snap, Crackle and ___? Who is the third child? Kate! She's Kate's mother.
*If you don't keep me, I'll break. What am I? A promise.
*You're running a race and at the very end, you pass the person in 2nd place. What place did you finish the race in? 2nd place. You finished in 2nd place.
*What 2 things can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
*What gets wet as it dries? A towel.
*Two fathers and 2 sons spent the day fishing. They caught 3 fish. This was enough for each of them to have one fish. How is this possible? There were only 3 people fishing. There was one father, his son, and his son's son. There were 2 fathers and 2 sons, since one of them is a father and a son.
*Mrs. Brown has 5 daughters. Each of these daughters has a brother. How many children does Mrs. Brown have? They have 6 children. Each daughter has the same brother. There are 5 daughters and 1 son.
*There are 3 apples in the basket. You take away 2. How many apples do you have now? You have 2 apples. You took away 2 apples and left 1 in the basket.
*I go all around the world never leaving the corner. What am I? A stamp.
*I make a loud sound when I'm changing. When I do change, I get bigger while weighing less. What am I? Popcorn.
*I can fill a room taking up no space. What am I? Light.
*If I have it, I don't share it. If I share it, I don't have it. What is it? A secret.
*What goes away as soon as you talk about it? Silence.
*What can run and can't walk? Water.
*What has one eye that can't see? A needle.
*If an electric train is traveling south, which way is the smoke going? There's no smoke as it's an electric train.
*Imagine you are in a room with no windows or doors. How will you get out? Stop imagining.
*What has a head with no brain? A lettuce.
*The English alphabet goes from A to Z. My name goes from Z to A. What am I? A Zebra.
*How many letters are in the alphabet? 11 letters. There are 11 letters in the phrase "the alphabet."
*What word begins with E and ends with E that has one letter? An envelope.
*What's black and white and read all over? The newspaper.
*What goes up and never comes down? Your age.
*What kind of water doesn't freeze? Hot water.
*What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
*What has ears and can't hear? A cornfield.
*Four legs up, four legs down, soft in the middle, hard all around. What am I? A bed.
*What has many keys that can't open doors? A piano.
*I have wings, I am able to fly, I'm not a bird yet I soar high in the sky. What am I? An airplane.
*I follow you all the time and copy your every move. You can't touch me. What am I? Your shadow.
*What is orange in color, green on top, and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
*What is yours, yet mostly used by others? Your name.
*Give me a drink, and I will die. Feed me, and I'll get bigger. What am I? A fire.
*If you drop me, I'm sure to crack. Smile at me and I'll smile back. What am I? A mirror.
*Which question can you never answer "yes" to? "Are you asleep?"
*A cowgirl road into town on Friday. Three days later, she left on Friday. How is that possible? Friday is the name of her horse.
*I'm tall when I'm young. I'm short when I'm old. What am I? A candle.
*What's really easy to get into, and hard to get out of? Trouble.
*What has four fingers and a thumb but isn't alive? A glove.
*You cut me, slice me, dice me, and you cry. What am I? An onion.
*What kind of room has no doors or windows? A mushroom.
*What three-letter word is a mousetrap? Cat.
*Who always goes to sleep with his shoes on? A horse.
*What is full of holes holding water? A sponge.
*Where does Monday come before Sunday? In the dictionary.
*What flies all day and never goes anywhere? A flag.
*What goes uphill and downhill, and always stays in the same place? A road.
*What is the highest building in your city? The library has the most stories.
*What table has no legs to stand on? A multiplication table.
*What is too much for one, enough for two, but nothing at all for three? A secret.
*What is it that no one wants to have, but no one wants to lose, either? A lawsuit.
*I am always around but unseen. I am often avoided but never outrun. I could find you at the end of the road or even the next corner. What am I? Death.
*What gets harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath!
*I am an instrument whose music always comes from the heart. What am I? An organ!
*What travels on all fours in the morning, two legs at noon and three at twilight? A man as he grows from a crawling baby into an adult, and finally into an elder with a walking stick!
*What do you throw away yet keeps returning? A boomerang.
*What has neither nails nor bones, yet has four fingers and a thumb? A glove!
*The more you take away from me, the larger I grow. What am I? A hole!
*I have both a head and a tail, but no legs. What am I? A penny, of course.
*Two coins total $0.30. One of the coins is not a nickel. What are the two coins? A quarter and a nickel. The second coin is the nickel.
*There is an elephant and a refrigerator. How does the elephant go inside the refrigerator? Answer is open the door and put the elephant in the refrigerator.
*A pound of feathers or a pound of bowling balls. Which weighs more? None. They're one pound each.
*Which U.S. Presidents are not buried in the United States of America? The ones still living.
