Friday, April 17, 2015


I answer quick questions.

1. Am I depressed? No
2. Am I dying? No
3. Am I sound body, mind, and spirit? Yes

I thought about death during my morning work day. It was the first time I thought about death for hours. Death is a human commonality. Nothing lasts forever.

What happens when we die? My dad believes nothing happens after death. There's no heaven. There's no afterlife. Our bodies are eternally rested six feet deep below ground. It's like a light bulb switch. It turns on and turns off. Our bodies turn off forever. I believe my dad.

However, I thought about heaven. I thought about the afterlife. I'm comfortable being a ghost wandering around Earth helping people. Maybe I qualify to become a guardian angel. Why do we think about heaven? Heaven gives us a positive feeling death is not that bad. Live a good life. Heaven is the reward. There is life after death. Maybe the afterlife is in another dimension. Maybe the afterlife is in the sky and the clouds we commonly known. I don't know if I believe in heaven. I continue seeking to understand heaven.

Am I ready to die? No. There is so much I haven't experience. I'm behind in life. I'm still a beginner in life. I wasted some of my years doing nothing. I'm catching up what I missed. For example, visit a European country, visit a State outside the Pacific Time Zone, read more books, listen to a fiction audio book, complete a do-it-yourself science kit, organize a potluck chow mein, and eat a ramen burger. I'm 50% happy and 50% sad if I died today. I'm happy because I'm a mature adult never taking life for granted. I realized I must grow up on Sat Oct 4, 2008. I'm sad because I live with my parents. I never experience living on my own. The Most Interesting Man said, "It's never too late to beef up your obituary".

Why do people rarely talk about death? It's sad. It's depressing. It's far in the future. We live the present moment. I believe living the present is the best way to live a happy life. There is no reason to talk about the distant future.

Why did I suddenly think about death? I dreamed last night I was trapped in a big retail store. I struggled finding the exit walking around the store including the employee only areas. I found an exit which turned out to be a long and steep winding slide ending at a wall. I died. I thought about my current job, too. I asked and answered myself, "Is this going to be my jobs from today to the day I die? Contract work with no career advancement." I'm bless I have a job. It's tough to find a better job in today's tough job market. Contract work limits my life choices. Contract work pays lower than permanent work.

I didn't think about death when I attended funerals. Maybe the next funeral I think about death. I was eight years old when I attended my first funeral. My great-great grandfather from my mom's side died. I remember crying for a few minutes because I saw other people cried. I didn't cry because he died. I was confused wondering around knowing nothing. My parents never told me about funerals. I don't remember talking about death.

We converse the good moments after a person dies for the rest of our lives. We share the deceased's positives attributes. We share his or her struggles to success. We laugh at their funny moments. We express the true meanings and honest feelings of the deceased person. We share what was important. No embarrassment. No pride. No bad news.

People die every day. The world revolves the next day. Life continues. To quote the late Steve Jobs, "No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it.

"And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's
change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too
long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true."


Saturday, April 11, 2015

Never Give Up Finding The Ultimate Happiness

I believe the ultimate happiness is being in love with another person. There is no substitute for another human sharing a bed every night. Goods, material objects, any experiences, and a live non-human are not substitutes. A lover is flesh and blood with a human body, an independent thinker, and an individual soul. He or she has a heart to soothe, arms to hug, ears to listen, mouth to communicate, eyes to see, tongue for sex, and an entire body for warmth. A couple laughs, experience new experiences, find new adventures, create memories, converse about everything life, share different thoughts to learn, and grow old. A couple is victorious in good times and challenged in bad times. Courage, strength, dedication, and openness are required for a long term relationship to last indefinitely.

The difficulty finding love is as it should because choosing to spend the rest of your life with another person is an important choice. Almost all of us experience break-ups before finding our lover. It's part of finding love. Devoting time, making mistakes, and improving oneself are also part of finding love. Couples must earn their respect, appreciation, and trust.

Two potential lovers make eye contact with timing and luck being at the right place at the right time. One of them takes the initiative for the first greeting. Never lose hope. There are lots of people in the world. Don't quit finding love. Don't remove yourself from the world. One person is a match for another person. Continue living life to the fullest single people. Do something, anything to be a better person. The better person shares more stories and experiences. Attract people. Get smarter, stronger, kinder, and wiser indefinitely.

We have one opportunity to obtain the ultimate happiness. Work on it. Don't take the ultimate happiness for granted.


Friday, April 10, 2015

Two Hypocrite Moments From My Childhood

I remember my parents told me to socialize when I was a child. I was quiet. They told me to socialize. That's it. My parents never taught me how to communicate with other people. No lessons. No sharing knowledge. I also remember my parents told me to stop watching TV. I admit I watched lots of TV. The TV lesson worked in my Fall Semester 1994 when I attended San Jose State University as a young adult. I stopped watching TV. My grades went up.

I realized the importance of socializing years later. Socializing is an important skill to meet new people, make new friends, and succeed in the professional world. I created new circles of friends, experienced new experiences with people, and learned new concepts listening to other people. People are important to be successful. Nobody can't succeed alone. I enjoy long conversations.

My parents are entering their retirement years. They have no socializing skills. They have no friends. They watch too much television. I was a late bloomer. I realized I must grow up on Sat Oct 4, 2008. My first choice growing up was I forgive my parents for the lack of parenting. I'm responsible for myself today.


Monday, April 06, 2015

Fatigue From Boredom

There are different types of fatigue. The most known are physical, mental, and emotional. There are personal fatigue such as a hobby, work related, and relationships. I discovered another fatigue commonly known and, perhaps, unconsciously realize. I discovered boredom fatigue.

I became fatigued being bored. How did I become fatigue from boredom? I live an active life. I always find something to do. My life is never bored. The answer is I did the same thing. I was busy doing the same extreme mind numbing work; moreover, the working environment was quiet. My weekday was the same. There was nothing different. I was tired at the end of the day.

How did I recover? It was sleep. However, I believe there's a better solution to recover from boredom fatigue. I continue living life finding the solution. Doing something different was not an option. I follow up with another blog.

Side note: I'm bored writing today's blog. I need more sleep.


Thursday, April 02, 2015

Work Thur Apr 2, 2015

Mon Mar 9: The first day of work during daylight savings time. I went with the flow. I experienced trouble waking up. I ate breakfast at my cubicle.

Tue Mar 10: There was a three day leadership off site training. The senior employees, managers, and the two vice presidents attended the training. The department was quiet.

Wed Mar 11: The third annual ping pong tournament March Madness format started today. I misread the email. People who wanted to opt out reply back to the email. I believe common sense dictates people who wanted to opt in reply back to the email. I was assigned a bracket I didn't want to participate. I'm a contractor. I thought contractors were excluded from the tournament.

I was tired the entire afternoon. I took quick naps. I ate snacks to stay awake.

Thur Mar 12: Security took a new picture of me for new ID badges.

The contractor who trained me on my first day is leaving on Fri Mar 27. We both work with the same contracting company. She told me there's no new jobs for her in another department.

Fri Mar 13: I talked with the new quality engineer who helps my engineer. Both of them worked at Cisco. The new quality engineer survived the Great Recession layoffs. My engineer was laid off in 2009. The quality engineer shared a story when he worked at a start-up in 2001. The start-up closed one week after 9/11.

Mon Mar 16: I felt blessed today I have a job. I know I have an end date. There's nothing more to grow. I automated the RMA data entry process. I acquired all the experience and knowledge.

Tue Mar 17: I played Team Fortress 2 last night. I ate breakfast at my cubicle. I finished upgrading my personal desktop. Playing the video game reminded me when I played Team Fortress 2 every Mon night. My friends and I called it MNTF2 or Monday Night Team Fortress 2 similarly to NFL's MNF or Monday Night Football.

Wed Mar 18: I finished the Portwell recheck RMAs. I entered 15 RMAs missing from the SAP database.

My engineer asked me to find RMAs from newer firewall models.

The beginning of new hires started today. My department was behind in fulfilling open positions last fiscal quarter. One of the vice presidents walked around the room assigning unoccupied cubicles with new hires to start soon.

I was informed my contract ends on May 3 instead of Jul 3.

Thur Mar 19: There was work in the morning and work after 3:45pm. I finished reading The Pearl by John Steinbeck. I met my engineer's new manager.

March Madness started today. I watched clips of upsets games on the web. I was reminded when I watched March Madness games when I worked at Cisco.

I small talked with an employee in the elevator after I worked out at the company gym. He was carrying his McDonalds take out for his dinner. He needed to finish a deadline due tomorrow.

Fri Mar 20: I received information the automation process is on schedule. It communicated to me my contract ending May 3 is more assured.

The best timing and luck story I know for a long time. The contractor who trained me on my first day is working at Cisco on Mon Mar 23. Her last day was officially Fri Mar 27. The contracting company said her last day was today. Her new position renews every quarterly; in other words, an indefinite contract length. Higher pay. There was no interview. She didn't need to update her resume. Wow!

I looked at the power tray icon on my laptop. The Power Saver option was selected. I deselected Power Saver. I selected Balanced which is the only other choice. I was reminded when I was researching CPUs for my personal desktop I upgraded. My friend suggested I get a CPU using more power. I agreed. I'm glad I used my friend's suggestion. Buy a CPU that uses more power instead of a CPU using power saving.

A ping pong tournament was held in the cafeteria at 2:30pm. Food and drinks were provided to spectators. A filming crew recorded the games.

I listened to classical music today because I didn't listen to classical music yesterday. No podcasts.

I organized my first Outlook meeting with the SAP administrator for training.

Today was the first time I didn't backup any work related files.

Mon Mar 23: One of our vendors submitted their weekly RMAs to enter. I couldn't find most of the RMAs. The RMA specialist helped me confirm the missing RMAs are in the SAP database. It turned out the vendor matched the wrong RMA numbers with the serial numbers.

Tue Mar 24: I was in a meeting with the SAP administrator for training. He showed me how to delete RMA records; in particular, duplicate entries.

Wed Mar 25: Speed bumps were erected at the back of the parking lot. I hate speed bumps. I saw cars parked over the parking line markers.

The replacement for the contractor who went to Cisco started today. The replacement is a permanent full time employee.

Thur Mar 26: There was a 9:30am informational meeting. The topic was virtualization products. These products are the new firewalls without hardware.

I realized leaving early to attend the 9:30am informational meeting was not worth it. It was not worth waking up early to arrive at work between 9am and 9:15am. I spent more time driving to work and driving home. The 9:45am-6:45pm work schedule is the best because it works well for my gym workouts and shorter commute times.

The department's monthly birthdays seemed to be more of a chore than fun. It seemed the full time employees doesn't care celebrating their birthdays and eating cupcakes made from an employee. I wondered if they're socially awkward.

Speaking of socially awkward, I thought about the recent new hires. They're social awkward. Some common interview tips are be open, be enthusiastic, speak up, communicate good conversation skills, and demonstrate you're not a boring person. On the contrary, I believe my department hires quiet people who sit in their cubicles eight hours a day. My department is an example of hiring content people who fit our working environment. They don't hire loud and cheerful people. Just because a candidate is outgoing doesn't mean the candidate is an automatic hire.

Fri Mar 27: An engineer showed me the table for their weekly Fri breakfasts. I knew bagels were available to everyone. I usually ate breakfast at home. I may try their breakfast one Fri before I leave the department.

My engineer submitted a request to the director to grant me access to the department laboratory and storage. My engineer assigned me to log defective SSD sent from one of our vendors for failure analysis. In addition, the Feb 2015 RMAs sent monthly from another vendor arrived in my email box 10 minutes before I logged off. I have actual work next week.

I stopped at one red light on the expressway driving home.

Mon Mar 30: I stopped at one red light on the expressway driving to work. I drove 15 minute to work.

The new hires continued. A new engineer started today working at the cubicle space formerly occupied by my engineer.

I was granted access to the laboratory and storage. I worked part of the day logging defective SSDs in the tech storage room.

Tue Mar 31: I finished logging the SSD model numbers and serial numbers in the tech storage room.

Some people wanted today to be Fri Apr 3 which is the company holiday Spring Day. They were expressing fatigue.

I met the on-site recruiter during my lunch hour. She was getting coffee at the coffee bar. I asked her for a lunch get-together to discuss my future at the company. I emailed her later in the day to set up a date and time.

Wed Apr 1: The shipping clerk told me there's no process to recycle the shipping boxes and packing material which contained the defective SSDs. I threw away the shipping boxes and packing material in the dumpsters. I gave the shipping clerk the two big boxes.

My engineer told me the next hardware logging model numbers and serial numbers is power supply units. They were supposed to arrive today. They didn't.

I finished entering the RMAs from a vendor sending their RMAs monthly.

I found a detour to avoid the speed bumps at the back of the parking lot when I walked out of the building after working out at the company's gym.

Thur Apr 2: All green lights driving to work on the expressway. I stopped at one red light on the side street.

The part time financial analyst told me she's training quarter end to the new full time financial analyst. She has been concern her contract might be terminated.

One of the vice presidents emailed the department about tomorrow being a company holiday. Many people were talking loud after the email. It was the loudest since the Christmas holiday. The reason was a happy hour at a nearby restaurant.


Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Person Wants No Help

How do you help a person who refuses help? How does the helper(s) convince with 100% certainty he or she must change? Communication skills are important. Help is being offered. He or she must accept help to stay alive. We care to help a person live a better life. Why refuse help? Stubbornness. Denial. Quit or tired living life. Don't care anymore. Pride.

How much time is given to the person to choose accepting help? The length of time is subjective. There's a day when the helper(s) must let it go. Let it be. Move on. The helper(s) can't wait an eternity. The time length is the same when the person accepts help. How much time does he or she have to successfully change? The length of time is subjective, too.

The simple examples of people who need help are homeless people and alcoholics. A homeless person says, "Leave me alone." An alcoholic refuses social services.

Helpers do the best they can. Some people accept help and some people refuse help. Helpers are not miracle workers for which one snap solves problems. Life is not a one snap success. How do you help a person who refuses help? There's no absolute answer. It depends on the situation. The helper and the person needing help respond differently. Helpers make their best judgment to continue convincing or quit convincing to the other person who must get help.

Furthermore, a person yelling or speaking in a high volume many times when communicating is a sign he or she needs help. He or she feels ignored. He or she wants attention. The answers to questions are too short. The thinking process is bad. Responses are confusing. Arguments are started. These are also signs of low self-esteem. These are signs a person needs help.


Monday, March 23, 2015

What's In Raymond Mar's Open Mind Now

I share my thoughts with my open mind in a relax state. Today's blog is not instant bullets. I'm thinking these thoughts at the present moment.

*I believe the productive workers have too much free time. Think about it. These workers complete their assignments effectively they're ready for the next assignment. The free time workers keep themselves occupied in nonrelated work activities; moreover, productive workers spend time to refresh their job skills and new job skills out of the office. On the other hand, the workers working every minute of the hour are likely to stress out. Stressed out workers are prone to commit more mistakes, become grumpy, lose focus, and experience fatigue at a faster pace than productive workers. I don't want to talk to a stressed out worker at the end of the day. Productive workers must not be overlooked. If I'm interviewing a job candidate who says he or she works every minute every workday, I remove him or her from candidacy.

*Listen to classical music a minimum of once a week. I recommend listening to KDFC 89.1 FM, 90.3 FM, and 104.9 FM in the San Francisco Bay Area. The classical radio station can be listened on Classical music helps relax a person, free his or her mind, and makes a person smarter. Another website to listen to classical music is And classical music can be found on the Winamp app.

*March Madness. Tue Mar 17 began the 2015 NCAA Basketball Tournament. There are exciting upsets. The brackets broke on the first day of Round Two. I watch the highlighted upsets during my free time at work. I remember watching the games on my cubicle when I worked at Cisco.

*Email is not used to converse with co-workers a short distance away in a cubicle environment. One of my work pet peeves is an email conversation with another co-worker who is a couple of cubicle rows away from me. I walk to his or her cubicle to continue the conversation. I'm old school conversing with people. Let's talk face to face. Let's have human interaction.

*Choose one: a longer commute living in a lower cost of living area or a shorter commute living in a higher cost of living area? My choice is a shorter commute. My lifestyle values more free time and better health. More freedom is more valuable than saving money living in a cheaper city.

*Salesforce. Anyone except an administrative or a developer can learn Salesforce on the job and watching beginning videos. It's like a professional Facebook. Post updates, share files, create dashboards using wizards, online chatting, private messaging, and networking.

*Intuition. More workers need to trust their intuition. I've seen workers afraid of listening to their gut feeling. They feel comfortable with data supporting their positions. If the data is wrong, outcomes are wrong. Intuition can check wrong data. Listen to the bell ringing in the back of the head. The business world relies too much on big data. The world relies too much on big data. Steve Jobs was correct. He was quoted, "I began to realize that an intuitive understanding and consciousness was more significant than abstract thinking and intellectual logical analysis. Intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect, in my opinion. That's had a big impact on my work."

Perhaps, I add Steve Jobs' biography to my reading wish list.