Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Person Wants No Help

How do you help a person who refuses help? How does the helper(s) convince with 100% certainty he or she must change? Communication skills are important. Help is being offered. He or she must accept help to stay alive. We care to help a person live a better life. Why refuse help? Stubbornness. Denial. Quit or tired living life. Don't care anymore. Pride.

How much time is given to the person to choose accepting help? The length of time is subjective. There's a day when the helper(s) must let it go. Let it be. Move on. The helper(s) can't wait an eternity. The time length is the same when the person accepts help. How much time does he or she have to successfully change? The length of time is subjective, too.

The simple examples of people who need help are homeless people and alcoholics. A homeless person says, "Leave me alone." An alcoholic refuses social services.

Helpers do the best they can. Some people accept help and some people refuse help. Helpers are not miracle workers for which one snap solves problems. Life is not a one snap success. How do you help a person who refuses help? There's no absolute answer. It depends on the situation. The helper and the person needing help respond differently. Helpers make their best judgment to continue convincing or quit convincing to the other person who must get help.

Furthermore, a person yelling or speaking in a high volume many times when communicating is a sign he or she needs help. He or she feels ignored. He or she wants attention. The answers to questions are too short. The thinking process is bad. Responses are confusing. Arguments are started. These are also signs of low self-esteem. These are signs a person needs help.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com

Monday, March 23, 2015

What's In Raymond Mar's Open Mind Now

I share my thoughts with my open mind in a relax state. Today's blog is not instant bullets. I'm thinking these thoughts at the present moment.

*I believe the productive workers have too much free time. Think about it. These workers complete their assignments effectively they're ready for the next assignment. The free time workers keep themselves occupied in nonrelated work activities; moreover, productive workers spend time to refresh their job skills and new job skills out of the office. On the other hand, the workers working every minute of the hour are likely to stress out. Stressed out workers are prone to commit more mistakes, become grumpy, lose focus, and experience fatigue at a faster pace than productive workers. I don't want to talk to a stressed out worker at the end of the day. Productive workers must not be overlooked. If I'm interviewing a job candidate who says he or she works every minute every workday, I remove him or her from candidacy.

*Listen to classical music a minimum of once a week. I recommend listening to KDFC 89.1 FM, 90.3 FM, and 104.9 FM in the San Francisco Bay Area. The classical radio station can be listened on kdfc.com. Classical music helps relax a person, free his or her mind, and makes a person smarter. Another website to listen to classical music is calmradio.com. And classical music can be found on the Winamp app.

*March Madness. Tue Mar 17 began the 2015 NCAA Basketball Tournament. There are exciting upsets. The brackets broke on the first day of Round Two. I watch the highlighted upsets during my free time at work. I remember watching the games on my cubicle when I worked at Cisco.

*Email is not used to converse with co-workers a short distance away in a cubicle environment. One of my work pet peeves is an email conversation with another co-worker who is a couple of cubicle rows away from me. I walk to his or her cubicle to continue the conversation. I'm old school conversing with people. Let's talk face to face. Let's have human interaction.

*Choose one: a longer commute living in a lower cost of living area or a shorter commute living in a higher cost of living area? My choice is a shorter commute. My lifestyle values more free time and better health. More freedom is more valuable than saving money living in a cheaper city.

*Salesforce. Anyone except an administrative or a developer can learn Salesforce on the job and watching beginning videos. It's like a professional Facebook. Post updates, share files, create dashboards using wizards, online chatting, private messaging, and networking.

*Intuition. More workers need to trust their intuition. I've seen workers afraid of listening to their gut feeling. They feel comfortable with data supporting their positions. If the data is wrong, outcomes are wrong. Intuition can check wrong data. Listen to the bell ringing in the back of the head. The business world relies too much on big data. The world relies too much on big data. Steve Jobs was correct. He was quoted, "I began to realize that an intuitive understanding and consciousness was more significant than abstract thinking and intellectual logical analysis. Intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect, in my opinion. That's had a big impact on my work."

Perhaps, I add Steve Jobs' biography to my reading wish list.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com

Saturday, March 21, 2015

The Simple Solutions To Live A Long Life

The simple solutions to live a long life are eat healthy, exercise regularly, and sleep well. The three solutions are the most straightforward keys living long. Cook food at home to minimize eating out. Junk food and alcohol must be taken in moderation. Our bodies have elbows and knees. They must move. Find an enjoyable physical activity to commit. A sedentary life is a shorter lived life. Use our bodies to slow down losing our physical strength as we age. Rest is required to reset our bodies for the next day. Sleep is the ultimate lunch hour, coffee break, smoking break, stretch after sitting down for an hour, and taking the mind off the daily life. Sleep rests the body, rests the mind, rests the heart, and rests the soul.

I add two more simple solutions to live a long life. They are read books and be social. Our brains learned when we were young going to school. The material taught stimulated our brains. Use our brains to slow down losing our mental strength as we age. Keep simulating the brain. Reading books is a great way to use our brains consistently. Socializing is being with live people. Lunches, dinners, coffee, parties, gatherings, meet ups, and hangouts. Human beings are meant to interact with other humans. Animals interact with each other. We shouldn't be lonely. Online socializing doesn't count.

Finally, the basics. Food and shelter are the basics to survive. Almost everyone consciously doesn't think about the basics. We should be blessed for those with a roof under their heads and food on the table. The highest priority expenses should be devoted to residence and groceries. Keep the residence clean, neat, and tidy with care. Make good choices buying healthy groceries.

Dedicate eat healthy, exercise regularly, sleep well, read books, and socialize genuinely. Everything else follows. Life has a way of granting good fortunes for people living a good life. Never give up when struggling. Fight the pains to continue living.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Top Ten Goods Or Services To Splurge

Nobody avoids the urge to splurge. We splurge consciously planning ahead what goods to buy and services to hire. Sometimes we splurge unconsciously buying good deals after losing our self-control. It happens. Everyone has useless goods in our residences. We should do our best to minimize accumulating useless goods. Everyone has a level of hording. We should do our best hording to the lowest level.

There are justifiable reasons to splurge. Everyone has their personal reasons to spend top dollar to buy goods or pay for services. For example, mattresses. We must sleep. We should spend the most dollars to buy a comfortable mattress. Good sleep is necessary to live a good life. I include pillows, blankets, and bed sheets. A $10 pillow may be comfortable for a few months. A $120 Tempur-Pedic pillow lasts years and lowers the chances of body pain while sleeping. In addition, a reliable pillow can relieve stress and pain earlier in the day during sleep. A mattress is worth the investment.

My general rule regarding splurging is splurge on goods and services used the most. Here are the top ten goods or services to splurge:

10. Sex. I have your attention now. Sex toys, sex classes, erotica, music, and videos. There are couples friendly porn to inspire new ideas and fantasies. There is no substitute to sexual feelings, leisure, and pleasure. Sex is an investment for a couple's well-being. Sex is another reason to buy the best mattress at the highest price you can afford.

Also, buy condoms for birth control and to lower the chances of STDs. A small price to avoid raising an unplanned baby and doctor visits for STD treatments.

9. Shoes. I experienced my share of wearing cheap shoes. Cheap shoes wear off faster. Cheap shoes get uncomfortable quicker. Cheap shoes lose traction faster. It's easy to understand. We wear shoes every day. Lower your chances of foot pain, body pain, and accidents wearing durable shoes. Buy the best shoes at the highest price you can afford.

8. Safety. Emergencies and disasters are rare; however, when they affect us, we shut off the world to deal with them. We must be prepared. The examples include flashlights, first-aid kit, disaster equipment, blankets, emergency food & water, emergency crank operated radio, batteries, backup USB power source for phones, and tools. Reliable shoes are important for safety.

7. Dental Health. I understand some people choose medical over dental if they have to choose one health insurance. We should spend money to prevent expensive dental services. Buy good toothbrushes. Always use toothpaste. Avoid cheap dental floss. I use a tongue cleaner for my dental health.

If you can afford regular dental check-ups, then do it. We use our mouth every day including eating, drinking, talking, kissing, and sex. Our faces become ugly when we experience pain inside our mouths. Our moods become negative when we experience pain during meal times and during sleeping times.

6. Smart Phone.My friend who follows the mobile phone market said it best: If you're signing a two year contract, then you must buy the best phone you can afford to maximize the use of your two year contract. Nobody wants to buy a two year old smart phone becoming obsolete in one year. Nobody wants a two year old smart phone for which some apps stop working in one year. You're paying lots of money for the contract. You want reliable service and fast data. Your phone is used to help live life easier including checking emails, GPS, and paying bills. Don't cheap out buying a second rate phone.

5. Umbrella.I purchased a $100 umbrella in Dec 1998. My umbrella resists winds up to 70mph. My umbrella bent once. Today my umbrella's automatic unfolding mechanism is broken; however, the integrity, stability, and material are 100% intact.

4. Appliances. Modern conveniences help our lives. There is no reason to purchase shoddy short lived equipment. Stove, refrigerator, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner, mop, and cooking equipment are on my list to pay top dollar.

3. Cooking.Another reason to pay top dollar for appliances to cook and to bake. I want to cook delicious and healthy food. The benefits are priceless with good cooking equipment and good cooking ingredients.

2. Travel. In particular, vacations you feel are a once in your life time experience. Spend the money on transportation, hotel, sightseeing, and a digital camera. There is no need to spend money on souvenirs. Picture magnets are cheap and less clutter in your residence.

1. Car. Your car is required to live a good life. Your car transports you from one place to another. Buy a reliable car. You spend many hours on the road. Pay the most you can afford to enjoy your life on the road.

There is a saying, "save a dime and you end up spending a dollar". Cars are the best illustration. Cheap cars can bring future problems such as costly repairs. Spend the most you can afford on parts and accessories including tires, flashlights, oil, and breaks. Gasoline is included. I avoid buying cheap gas. Gas is a "you get what you paid for" good. My car gets better gas mileage and more power with brand name gasoline.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com

Sunday, March 15, 2015

My Girlfriend's Ultimatum Or Her French Black Dress

I dreamed last night I was leaving a train station. I purchased a snack at the newspaper booth next to the doors. The booth operator was an unscrupulous high school student. He tried to steal cash from the cash register. I didn't know if he succeeded. I exited the station when he attempted to steal. The attempt was he placed a $5 bill, a $10 bill, and a $20 bill on top of a white colored flat machine like a 1950s scale to weigh fruits and vegetables. He mixed the bills up. I know the steal attempt made no sense. It was my dream.

My dream continued walking on the sidewalk in center downtown. I entered a shopping mall building with a basement level a block away. I saw my girlfriend on the basement level in front of the toy store. She held a white colored gift box the size of a full size dress. We entered the toy store. She handed me the gift box. I opened it. The gift box contained a full size beautiful black dress made in France. I couldn't specify the dress company because I didn't know any French dress making companies.

She gave me an ultimatum. Either I find a way to keep our relationship going or she breaks up with me. The French black dress was my break-up gift to remember her. I was shocked. My body froze for a moment. My mind went crazy. The rest of the dream I thought of a solution to keep my girlfriend. Where were the possibilities? The following were solutions:

*Grown up. Be mature. I needed to reach the next level. Behave my age. Wise up. No more kid stuff. Playtime was over.

*Get a job.I was unemployed job searching. I devoted six days a week to job searching which included learning new job skills.

*Be strong again. I lost my life focus. I got weak. I find my life focus again. I got to get strong again. I must stay strong.

*Be a professional boyfriend. Obviously I wasn't a bad boyfriend. I was a good boyfriend. I needed to be better. I must be a professional groom-to-be as the relationship becomes more serious.

*Dedication.I appreciated her presence. Show sincere appreciation for her love. Complement her every day: you smell good, your smile cheers me up, your lip balm makes your kisses taste good, and nice touching.

*Don't hold back.Why didn't I express my real self?

*I'm her man forever. I earned her trust. I earned her love. I didn't earn being together forever. There was something missing. I needed her help to find how I can be with her forever.

*Be discrete. Think before I speak. I thought back some conversations. There were some topics not worth a conversation. It was okay to have some quietness.

*Say goodbye to the old Raymond Mar. The bad behaviors, the pet peeves I didn't break, the silliness attitude, and acting naive. The young foolish days must go.

*The Raymond Mar come forward. I impressed her when we started the relationship. She saw something which attracted her to me. I must have lost it. I must retrieve those past attractive feelings.

*Friendly and openness. Stop shutting my door from the world.

What were the solutions to keep my girlfriend? I don't know because I woke up.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com

Saturday, March 14, 2015

How Do I Self-Improve My Entire Self Inside And Outside Top To Bottom?

Blogger's Note: Today's blog I ask myself questions. I post at both Innovating Common Knowledge and Finding Raymond Mar blogs.

I blog how to improve myself. I blog getting stronger, smarter, kinder, and wiser. I blog being responsible. I blog earn your successes. Don't take life for granted. Always meet new people and make new friends. Find new adventures. Experience new experiences. Never stop improving life. Never stop innovating. I ask questions questioning some of the blogs I have written those themes above. I have few answers. How can I practice what I preach with quicker and/or better results? I give myself a B- grade practicing my preaching. I want to raise the grade to a B+. Then I raise the grade to an A.

I imagine myself I'm with a group of people in a social situation. The situation can also be a professional meeting, a training seminar, or a family gathering. And the situation can be small and brief such as waiting in line at the grocery store or small talking the bank teller.

How do I improve my strength, appearance, confidence, charisma, kindness, and sincerity in any social situation? How do I get stronger? How do I look handsome? How do I communicate my gentlemen side? How do I attract more people? How do I share the goodness from my heart? Also, do I know I'm a good person? And how do I show I'm a legitimate person? There's no acting. People look at me for the first time thinking I'm the person they want in my life. I believe the older I get, the more handsome I become. I must be doing something correctly. My better look is related to my increased maturity. How is my self-awareness being myself telling me I'm being a good person? I could be a jerk not knowing it. I could break etiquette rules without my knowledge. I hope my conscious and my awareness are sharp to tell myself I must make improvements and corrections.

What do I offer with a group of people today? A good conversationalist. I enjoy conversations getting to know other people, learning, and sharing experiences. Trust. There's no faking. I communicate the Raymond Mar inside and Raymond Mar outside. I believe being true towards others is a strength. I don't need to be somebody else. How do I improve? How do I communicate a good vibe from me to others? It's like my presence is in a room of people. There's a good aura coming out of me other people feel. The feeling is having people talk about me in a positive way. The feeling is other people want to be with me.

Can I Do Better?

I stay active never being bored. I read books. I work out at the gym. I minimize watching TV. I listen to a variety of music such as classic rock, classical, and classic jazz. I cook healthy meals. I minimize eating out. I listen to four podcasts to acquire new knowledge. I completed training being a Community Emergency Response Team (CERT), and I continue my disaster training. I play board games. I'm open to try something new. I started a new theme this year for which I continue indefinitely. The new theme is do something out of my comfort zone.

My final thought is when I'm in a jam, I trust my intuition. My intuition saves me in an awkward social situation. Smile and listen.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com

Friday, March 13, 2015

40 For 40: First And Last University Experience Apr 1988 And Apr 1998

Introduction: I start a new blog series titled "40 For 40." I share moments and experiences I lived in my 40 years. The ESPN 30 For 30 inspired me to create my 40 For 40 blogs. The sport documentary series detailed people, sport teams, moments, events, and controversial situations. The same ideas apply to my 40 For 40.

My second 40 For 40 blog is my first exposure to college and my last exposure to college at the same university.


I visited California Polytechnic State University-San Luis Obispo (Cal Poly) two times in my life. The first time was in April 1988. The second time was in April 1998. I share my experiences attending a university for the first time and for the last time.

I was in 8th grade when I visited Cal Poly in April 1988. It was during Cal Poly's annual open house. My dad, uncles, and aunt graduated from Cal Poly. My family and my uncle's family took a weekend trip riding in my uncle's Ford Aerostar minivan.

I remember four events on a hot day my allergies got the best of me. The first event was eating lunch. My parents, uncle, and aunt took a long time to decide where to eat lunch. The discussion happened in front of an all you can eat BBQ hosted by a club for their fund raiser. They asked questions to one of the students for a long time. We ate lunch here. I ignorantly blamed the overcooked tri-tip for aggravating my allergies.

The second event was an indoor laser light show. The packed small room was hot. I didn't know how I survived the stagnant air. There was music. There were red lasers shining on the front wall and on the ceiling. The lasers created pictures and patterns. The lasers didn't impress me given the 1988 technology. It was boring.

The third event was getting ice cream at the Dairy Science Complex. The line stretched outside the building and along the street. We lined up at least three times. The cup of ice cream was delicious. The students were taught well. I saw one building with cows.

The fourth event was entering the Student Union. In particular, I saw the grocery store with a produce section. I felt scared inside the grocery store because I imagined living independently attending college. I pictured myself shopping for my own groceries. College students shopped for their groceries in campus. They had no parents to buy food and to cook food. I had no interest living by myself. I didn't want to cook food and eat fruits. I felt I wasn't ready to live on my own. I wanted my childhood to be longer than 18 years.

We surprise visited my grandparents on my mom's side driving to Santa Barbara after the open house. We drove home the next day.

The second time I visited Cal Poly in April 1998 I graduated from San Jose State University in Dec 2007. One of my friends invited me to visit him during the annual open house weekend. The drive was the first time I drove by myself at the early morning hours in darkness. My friend wanted me to arrive at 8am.

He was president of the anime club. I blended in with his friends and club members easily. His anime club was assigned a booth for their fund raiser. I assisted him setting up the booth and taking orders. The club cooked teriyaki chicken. We raised lots of money the chicken sold out. The reason was because none of the other booths cooked chicken.

The end of the day my friend, another friend, and I went to the Dairy Science Complex to get free ice cream. The other friend tried to get a souvenir drinking glass at a nearby booth. The glass was sold out. We got our cup of free ice cream. The weather was mild in contrast to 1988.

We ate at Marge's Diner for dinner a short freeway drive away from campus. Most of the conversations were anime and college life. We also discussed the successful fund raiser. The food portions were huge. Giant onion rings. The mashed potatoes with skins could feed a family of four. My chicken fried steak was the biggest I'm confident to say I haven't seen any biggest size. I took home half of my dinner to eat at home the next day.

I stayed overnight at my friend's condo. He shared the condo with two roommates. The walls were decorated with anime pictures. I found out later he was the only anime fan. His roommates were not anime fans. I also found out his roommates kicked him out of the condo before the next academic school year. I showered using liquid body wash with a bath sponge for the first time. He allowed me to share his bath soap. It was a bad idea thinking about it now.

Finally, I want to share the drive back home. I listened to anime music on a cassette I copied from CDs. I shopped at the Atascadero Factory Outlet. I purchased three ties and a pair of shorts on clearance at the Polo store. I wore those ties for the first time during an interview and for my full time jobs working in commercial real estate. I drove the long way home by driving on Old Monterey Highway to avoid the traffic jam on Northbound 101 after Morgan Hill. It was a bad mistake. I drove an additional 30 minutes.

My second visit to Cal Poly was the last time I visited a university. Attending De Anza College to earn my AA degree in Accounting doesn't count because De Anza is a junior college campus.

Email: feedbackininblog@innovateinfinitely.com