Saturday, November 14, 2015

Growing Up Too Late Was Not My Fault

I can't blame myself for growing up too late. I finally grew up on Sat Oct 4, 2008. I'm happy I'm grown up. I continue growing up and catching up what I missed in my younger years. There are people older than me who haven't grown up or never grew up. I hope more people wise up. It's never too late to grow up. Life changes forever for people who grew up.

Dumb parents. My parents were not dumb intellectually. They were dumb raising and nurturing. I have few childhood stories to share involving my parents. The stories are short, weak, and embarrassing. Passive, lazy, and weak are adjectives describing how I was raised. They ignored my problems hoping they disappear for which it worked most of the time. My dad never taught me football and baseball. My mom never taught me how to cook and vacuum the house. Thank goodness my cousin introduced GI JOE and Transformers to me and my brother. I forgive my parents.

Fell through the cracks. My grade school education started on a high note. I learned first grade math in kindergarten. Thereafter, I was in remedial classes for reading and English. I didn't know what happened starting in first grade. My grade school intelligence was below average. My cognizance and comprehension learning skills were behind my age. I pulled through from seventh grade to twelfth grade.

Dumb luck. Dumb luck was in my favor throughout my K-12 education. Some of the teachers passed me either for participation, a good heart, or didn't care. I believed the latter happened many times.

I could include falling through the cracks being part of dumb luck. Challenges were avoided. There were no opportunities learning lessons on frustration. For instance, I was never a student body representative in grade school. I came close in fifth grade. I was never a senior cadet officer in JROTC. My high school I attended for three years closed because of budget cuts. I ended up being a squad leader in my senior year at another high school. And I registered for classes on the first day of registration when I attended San Jose State University. My English II instructor had me tested for a learning disability. Students with a learning disability registered for classes on the first day. I never experienced being on a wait list and never experienced being denied a class because it was full enrollment.

My life was riding on easy street. Life told me I was to live easy. Easy life was my fate. I took the easy life for granted. I was naive.

Too much fun. The easy street included stops having too much fun. I watched too much television. I daydreamed too much. I lived life indoors with no social life. I was weird. There were no opportunities to learn, to grow, and to enrich my life. I didn't have the motivation to live a normal childhood. My summer vacations were literally a three month vacation. I didn't know what to do. Where were my parents?

Childhood life lessons learned in my 30s: I learned on my own: it's okay to fail, learn from my failures; meet new people and make new friends; earn my successes; be responsible; and don't take life for granted.

Afraid of dogs. I was afraid of dogs. Not anymore. I believed my fear of dogs translated to being a coward. I was afraid. I was a worried ward.

The broken electronics set is more of a story. My parents were cheap. I admit their cheap consumer attitude influenced me to buy during sales. I'm not a cheap person for the record. My dad purchased an electronics set at a garage sale. I was eager to try it. I opened the box, took out the set, and opened the learning manual. I plugged in the battery. I started the first lesson. Success. I started the second lesson. Failed. What did I do wrong?

The electronics set convinced me I wasn't a smart child. The trauma lasted throughout my childhood. Why didn't I ask my dad for help? I never thought about asking him. I feared I didn't want to expose my poor intelligence. I believed I could handle everything myself. Moreover, my dad and I had a weak relationship. We rarely talked. We rarely bonded.

I realized decades later as an adult the electronics set was broken. I wasn't a dumb child. My bucket list includes completing a child electronic set. Learning basic electronics is also in my bucket list.

In conclusion, I'm responsible for myself. I'm a mature adult. I'm still a beginner in life catching up what I missed. I'm still new. I'm still fresh. Growing up too late is giving me a reason to life live by finding childhood and age 20s experiences and adventures. I accomplished reading childhood books such as Charlie And The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, reading young adult books such as Forever by Judy Blume, peeing in the forest, camping outdoors, ice skating, sneaking food in a movie theater, and drinking alcohol. I'm looking forward to fulfill more experiences and adventures.

Side note: I acquired knowledge the number of students with learning disabilities doubled in my final year at San Jose State University. My thought was more students took advantage of registering for classes on the first day.


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