Here are three recent Dear Abby advice which caught my attention. Some people experience any of three been there and done that.
Grandson Won't Hear Truth About Girlfriend
DEAR ABBY: My grandson is in a relationship with a girl who manipulates him and abuses him emotionally. I told my grandson what she is doing, but he doesn't see it. Because of that, neither one of them is speaking to me.
My grandson was a caring, happy person until he met her. Now he's withdrawn. He is working, but she is not. They are struggling to make a life for themselves. When I ask how he's doing, he just says OK and nothing more. Is there anything I can do to make him see what she is doing to him? -- IT'S OBVIOUS IN IOWA
DEAR OBVIOUS: No. You have done everything you can by trying to enlighten your grandson, who, it appears, "love" has blinded. Now it's time for you to accept that nothing will change until he wakes up and smells the coffee.
Travel Plans Complicated by Boyfriend's Guilt Trip
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is 60 and has an autoimmune disease. He's dependent on oxygen and suffers a great deal. He can drive, walk and care for himself, although I assist in his care quite a bit.
I was invited to take a trip with my daughter and my sisters to London next month for a week. He doesn't want me to go and won't say why, other than he's frustrated because he can't travel abroad. (He would never want to go on a girls trip to London.) He actually told me, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't go." I responded, "If you really loved me, you would be happy for me to go with my family and enjoy the trip for a week."
I cook and clean for him every day. I am the breadwinner and pay for everything. I treat him like a king. What should I do? -- YEARNING FOR TRAVEL
DEAR YEARNING: You do plenty for your boyfriend. He is trying to guilt you into not going. With the load you have been carrying, you deserve a break. Ensure that a friend or family member of his can keep an eye on him in your absence. Then ignore his comments and go on that trip. Please!
Parent Would Rather Skip Son's Wedding
DEAR ABBY: In seven months, my 43-year-old son will be married for the second time. Because of his fiancee's problem drinking, I am absolutely against the marriage. I hate the idea of going to the wedding. Should I go anyway, and have the most miserable day of my life? I doubt that I would be able to hide my sadness. Or should I decline, tell my son I wouldn't be a good guest to have on his happy day and wish them "all the best"? -- HESITATING IN WASHINGTON
DEAR HESITATING: I will assume that your son is aware of your concerns about his fiancee's drinking. Do not boycott this wedding. If you do, you will create a wedge between you and your daughter-in-law that could last for decades. Plaster on a smile and attend so you can wish them all the best in person. Then cross your fingers that your wish comes true.
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